Satire

Tuliwano tutuuse, like all associations, for a joint purpose. In this case, the purpose is to castigate Stella Nyanzi. Why? How could you ask “why?” She has shamed the nation, womanhood and her children in one go! We’re so concerned. Those poor children. How dare she? What example is she setting for them? Ok, her children are fine with it and understand that her nude protest was to fight an injustice that would potentially hurt their well being but we don’t care. They’re still young.Tebamanyi kyeb’agala bambi. For us we’re still sorry and mad on their behalf. This nation is ashamed too. The whole Uganda. This is worse than MPs embezzling GAVI funds. This is worse than the sham that’s the EC. God will even forgive the people responsible for the radiotherapy machine at Mulago. Ono omukazi is the worst. We can not allow this form of immorality in this nation. We might revoke her PhD even. In fact, wama Lokodo we support your suggestion for police to arrest her. Kale last time when you dared to condemn the mini-skirt calling it near nudity we didn’t agree. Even the other time when you wanted to touch our porn folders: kyokka gwe naawe! We didn’t agree but this time we are on your side. Arrest her. The nation is ashamed. Twaswadde nnyo banange! This immorality must stop. Next thing you know all our girls will be undressing over injustices at work. Kale ekyo kyandikola because we would want Flavia to show us ko and we use our lotion but onno Nyanzi? Arrest! Just arrest! She is worse than all of us combined. Worse than us married men with kids who go chasing after university students. At least awo our children don’t see our immoral actions. But her, she is more immoral than University professors who ask for sex in exchange for marks. In fact, she is worse than these men that release the nudes of young womyn without their consent. Those men are kaaaawa. We like them. They’re not immoral. We enjoy from what they do anyway. But this woman who undressed just because she’s been locked out of her office at her workplace, source of livelihood. No no no…unacceptable! Many people experience injustices at their work place. Many people. You just walk away munange. Or you could try court and lose anyway but bibaawo. This is Uganda. Don’t go doing a nude protest. Very immoral. Kale usually, we like her. We like her Facebook posts. Kika! Sexual innuendos in her writings appease us. Bitusanyusa nnyo. But to say those same things on television? Unacceptable. It’s ashaming to us really. We like her on Facebook, we hate her in action and in speech. Byebyo! On that note we stand with Mamdani. Not sure what that even means but we’re doing it anyway. #WeStandWithMamdani

Is it just me or is the human race armed with religion, poisoned by prejudice and absolutely frantic with hatred and fear, galloping pell-mell back to the Dark Ages?

-Raymond Reddington