As I write this I do so with a fervent hope that when I’m done, I will have if not fully, at least partially changed one or two people’s (even more if that’s not a bit of a stretch) mindsets. That when someone out there is done reading this, they will want to break these insecurities and the bondage that is societal gender stereotypes. Today I’m here especially for the men because in this struggle for equal rights and opportunities for all genders, I’ve come to realize that underneath all that hate speech against feminists lies big deep rooted insecurities that the society we live in has so easily managed to use to rob men of their free will.
I once dated a man who kept secret his low points. For example, when he was not financially well, he pretended otherwise. When he was stressed about work and it evident he was stressed, he refused to talk about it because he didn’t want “to stress me with work.” (This many men do). So I think to myself, what’s the point of a relationship then? Isn’t it why two people that love each other are together? To share their life together? Isn’t that what the point should be, that you will have a long stressful day at work but know that at the end of the day you’ll get home to someone who you can talk to about it. Or pick up the phone and call them to talk about it and feel better? Why is it okay that you encourage me to vent about my crappy days all the time to you yet you insist on dealing with your bad days on your own? Aren’t men human beings with emotions and frustrations as well? Why does a person I care about so much feel the need to supposedly protect me by only sharing the good in their life while dealing with the bad on their own? How is that supposed to be a gesture of love? I always wondered. Also shame on anyone who is thinking in those ‘’women don’t understand’’ lines but I promised that I was here for the men so, moving on!
The “man card” business: I always see these comments and I quite honestly feel so bad for the people that think this way. Comments like, “if you wear skinny jeans hand in your man card” “He doesn’t watch soccer so he should hand in his man card” or “if aren’t “hitting that”….” Or “he listens to Taylor Swift….” and so on. What is this man card you talk about? Are you, who is asking that another man “hand in his man card” God? Well because isn’t it the one that created us that blessed us with either masculinity or femininity? Why do we let these social constructs further destroy our emotions and deepen our insecurities? There is absolutely nothing wrong with a man wearing skinny jeans. There will always be an evolution in fashion and style and quite frankly (which is no secret) I’d rather a fashionable man but again, that’s just me. Music is universal. There is not a genre made for men or that for women. If somebody enjoys Taylor Swift music, let them. Or are you also going to say that because and I love and listen to Kanye, I should hand in my “woman card” too? Ridiculous right? Yes, that is exactly how ridiculous you all sound with those “man card” comments. I mean, so what if a guy doesn’t have an interest in soccer? So what if they don’t feel the urge to have coitus with a female? So effing what?!
Emotional detachment: there is a tendency for men to identify lack of emotion with masculinity. That someone has to deprive themselves of the natural instinctive state of mind is just in humane and if you continue like that you might be slowly leading yourself to a death caused by depression. I’m serious. It is okay to feel, it is okay to be sad, it is certainly okay to be excited. One should not have to suppress their emotions on the basis of them being male. Allow yourself to express emotion because whereas the thought may not be exactly one you want to have, you’re an emotional being. You have to acknowledge your emotions or you’re going to channel them into something destructive. The liquor for example: see liquor is a temporary fix, yes I know this because I’ve been there. The feeling of overwhelming emotions that prompts you to sip and sip and sip until you can’t sip no more. Am I ashamed? No? I’m human and we tend to do that. However I’m fully aware of the consequences: the “morning after hangover” coupled with terrible migraines and that unsettling consciousness. Now to think that someone goes through that all the times they’re supposed to exhibit emotion because God forbid society should ever identify them as an emotional male being is just heartbreaking. Do not do this to yourself.
Societal Rigidities: because society has made men believe that for a man to “sit at the table of men,” they have to at a certain age marry a girl whether they’re ready or not, they have gone ahead to marry people’s daughters that they do not necessarily love or want to spend the rest of their lives with, but because they pass as wives. You know, the wife code values: can cook, can wash clothes, is submissive and generally presentable to her in-laws. I’ve heard men confessing publicly (in their circles of friends) that they married their wives simply because they were good candidates for this “wifeship” thing and that they, even just two months after their wedding, have extra marital affairs because their wives were “just wives.” Now do not get me wrong, I still believe in marriage, but for one to ask a man for his daughter’s hand in marriage and go ahead to take those vows, not because one wants to but because society says it’s the right thing to do, is again, in humane and a source of everlasting unhappiness for both parties. You, the man, are going to come back home every day to someone you dislike and share a bed with someone you rather not every single night. The girl on the other hand is stuck in a marriage where she is not wanted and it’s just one whole mournful real life but movie scene-like experience. What is so wrong with not getting married until there is someone who your heart appreciates enough? Guess who is going to be blaming you for your failed marriage after a few years when you can’t take it no more? The same society that pressured you into this marriage. I say think!
The above are just few of those stereotypes and i am certain you know and identify with many others that i haven’t gone into. So again, think long and hard. A friend of mine recently noted with genuine concern, the fact that I’ve owned feminism and how that may be something a lot of other people will misjudge me about (personally and professionally), label me a bitter person or a hater of men and jump at every opportunity to shame me. I heard him, I saw where he was coming from, because it is without a doubt that feminism is associated with several misconceptions. I also know however that we can’t all be afraid to speak, to do something about the issues affecting us just because a few people may be angered by it. Today I want to reach out to you all and ask that we do not make this a fight against each other but a fight together against the societal bondage that led us to this fight in the first place.